I’ve been on Sniffies and Grindr chatting with guys. I left Sniffies open in a tab while working and a guy messaged me. We chatted a bit and kinda connected. We seemed to both be looking for the same things, the only problem was that he lives about an hour North of me. He drives down by my area “multiple times a week” so he said it wouldn’t be a problem. I figured it wouldn’t be a problem. We kept chatting.
I came across another profile that said
If your goal is to “chat” forever… move on. LET’S MEET UP. See if we vibe!
It hit me: I can’t go on these sites without the intention to never meet people. It’s not fair to them. So I messaged the guy to meet up. I had a reason to leave the house mid-day and he said he could make it work. There was no expectation of sex.
We met at a mall. Ironically, the same mall as my first experience. I had some shopping to do for my cover, so we did that. We then just sat in the food court area for a couple hours and chatted. It was a little weird having met someone. It was a little weird talking about sex and our lives in a public place with others around.
After we chatted online a little more, I noticed he was getting slower to respond and the messages were getting shorter and I felt he just wasn’t engaged. But he claimed to be super busy with work. Sure. Then came the goodbye message. “The distance is just too much.” I actually asked if this was “the goodbye message” because I was shocked. But it was.
I was crushed for a night. But I only spent a few weeks chatting and a risk in person. It’s not like we were really long term friends or anything. I still see the app we chatted on at the end and every time I scroll by it I get a twinge of pain. Another papercut.
I started to feel like “Well, at least I’d finally met someone, in person.” But now I’m noticing the number of times I’m telling guys it’s difficult for me to get out of the house without suspicion. We have cameras on the house, so it’s documented when I leave and return. Not that my partner has ever asked, but nonetheless, having a cover story to ward off suspicion seems to be the smart move. I can’t just leave at 7pm for an hour and come back.
I have opportunities to get out, but I can count that it would be about 55 times a year, when my schedule dictates it for a small window (1-3 hours) on certain days, at specified times. Who’s going to work around my schedule? I’m high maintenance. They can move on and find what they’re looking for with less trouble.
And so I’m at the point that I can’t even try to cheat the way I want. I’m obliged to hookups and “right now” or randoms which are more dangerous. It’s not fair to be on the apps and not be able to meet.
It’s depressing.
I’m always honest, but to be honest, guys seem to stop chatting with me even without knowing this limitation. We chat, sometimes a good bit, and then it just ends. I dunno if I’m doing it wrong. Am I trying too hard? Not hard enough? Am I boring? Should I talk about sex more? Drive more of the conversation? Maybe I’ve overthinking it. Maybe It’s just not working out. Maybe they have better prospects. Maybe I don’t know what I’m doing. Maybe I had an inflated sense of “I’ll go on here and be fighting them off with a stick.” And I’m only fighting them off because I can’t meet. Maybe I’m subconsciously sabotaging the conversations. I’m sure on a few I’ve messed up. Sure. But it just seems like it’s not working well. Maybe.
But does it matter? I can’t meet anyone anyways.
Leave a Reply