I’m Bisexual: Coming Out

I came out as bisexual to my spouse (wife) today.

Me: “I’m bisexual.”
Her: “I’m not surprised.”
…
Her: “So you like both ways and I like neither.”
Me: “I appreciate you’re able to have a sense of humor about it already.”

She doesn’t seem concerned about anything. She’s had a wide sexual spectrum around her for her whole life. She’s had two high school friends transition genders (opposite ways, and they used to date). She said she wasn’t surprised because of the way I’ve looked at guys; that I probably didn’t notice I do that (I don’t). But she never thought to herself “He must be bisexual.”

She didn’t ask any questions. I had answers to commonly asked questions prepared, so I went through those.

• Why tell her?
  • She has a right to know who I am, as a spouse.
  • It’s been a burden on me.
  • She should know me and love me for who I am, not a character I present.
    
• Why tell her now?
  • 1 year ago in another online community, a guy announced he had some out to his spouse (wife) as bisexual. I remember thinking at the time “Why the hell would you do that?” After Googling, I came up with the above answer.
  • I only accepted it to myself a few months after that.
  • Our conversation last week where she was comfortable with us and felt safe to be vulnerable and I felt close to her, allows me to now feel comfortable and safe to be vulnerable to her.
    
• Gay transition?
  • Not me. Some people do that to try and soften the blow, but not me.
    
• What changes?
  • For now, nothing.
  • We can decide what our marriage looks like going forward, but she now just has more information and we’re still the same.
    
• Tell others (IRL)?
  • Nope. I think it’s none of their business. Some people might want to tell the world, but I don’t care to. Not kids, not parents.

So, about 10 months of agony and torment are over, and it went well. A journey well spent.